It wasn't the first time he was told his faith would heal him. It was like deja vu when he began to hear the grandiose thoughts and speech from her. There was the subtlest of warnings as he listened to the words, "She's like Angie." A simple idea, but one that left up to translation or even explanation, led his mind all over the place, trying to make sense.
When she wasn't around, his mind functioned as it always had in the process of rebuilding his life, staying focused, and reaching goals he had set for himself now. He rallied his brain how he ends up, here again, facing what clearly looked and sounded like a crazy person. Now searching to find the way out of difficult situations and questions that directed him to whether he believed.
In the previous episode, the woman started as a love interest. It was easy to follow her up to a point. When she was seeing the spirit and remarking how demons were searching for her, it was easy for him to tune out, yet harder for him to continue to have faith.
He had grown up in the church and had some faint spiritual experiences in his life enough to believe it could be real. Never seeing anything himself and having that right to life experience, he became doubtful and ultimately frustrated that nothing was becoming of this as her rants became ever increasingly incoherent.
The same thing was happening now years after the first experience, yet this woman was not a love interest. She was a woman who had replied to his ad for a care provider believing even then that she was lead to the job posting. He felt honored that she could say that a little hesitant to fully engage with her, but over time and with time to talk and share his life story, it all slowly changed.
The similarities were striking and lead to the same ultimate goal of healing his body. He wondered if there was a sign that he was draped in that these people could see that he couldn't. He did; it was his wheelchair. Slowly, but inevitably the attention became on healing him. Again he felt honored someone, anyone would want to heal him, but when attempts were made and dates set and then nothing. It tested not only his faith he had that life could allow him a second chance living an able-bodied, but it also tested his tolerance with what others would call a delusional person. A crazy fuckin idiot if he was to be crass and not really care if he offended them or he offended God.
Pained by being put in this situation again, he held out for belief, but when time after time, he was blamed for not fully believing and having faith because he wasn't walking; he became cold to the idea altogether. He just didn't know what he was doing wrong; if anything causes, he wasn't getting up out of his chair.
It was true he wanted that more than most anything, yet it just wouldn't click. He'd hit a point where believing seemed to be something he could 'not fully achieve, and everyone was telling him he could he just wanted to be out and away from the thoughts and the blame if it was to happen why couldn't it just happen? He had faith once. Even now, with all the doubt, his faith was at least the size of a mustard seed.
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